News Flash #3 Princess and the Fraud

 Spoiler Alert: This report contains a major spoiler if you have not seen the movie Frozen. If you have not seen Frozen, then DO NOT READ THIS REPORT.  

Good morning folks, this is Sima Simpson, the worlds number one best reporter, reporting from in front of the castle gates in Arendelle, where the castle gates are about to open for the first time in years for Princess Elsa’s coronation this afternoon. Many interesting faces can be seen among the crowd. I see Rapunzel and Eugene Fitzherbert, no doubt to represent the kingdom of Corona. Over there is the duke of Weasel town… Excuse me, Wesleton, probably here to try and haggle over trading prices. Not sure who the prince in the white suit with the fancy pants horse is. Oh, the gates are opening! A girl in a gown just came bursting out. I’m assuming that’s Princess Anna, Princess Elsa’s younger sister. She looks like she doesn’t get out much, she’s jumping at everything in excitement. Oh look, it’s that handsome dude with the horse from earlier… Oof, they just collided. Now they’re hanging over the docks on a rowboat only supported by a horse. Hmm. Maybe someone should help them. Wait, is he FLIRTING with her? Ugh, and she’s just buying it. When a handsome person nearly kills you and then starts flirting, you know he’s up to no good. The princess is a danger to herself. No wonder they keep the gates closed. She’ll be lucky if she survives the day if she continues this way. But in the meantime, I’m going to go get a good seat.

Ok, so here I am, in a good spot to watch the coronation. Royals and delegates from all over have come to witness Elsa’s coronation. That, or just to get a glimpse of the two princesses for the first time in forever. Though I have to admit, I’m curious how Elsa is getting on. Its clear that Anna has gone a little stir-crazy in there. Speaking of, here she comes now! She’s waving to someone… Oh no, it’s the handsome dude. Great, do they have a thing now? Well, it’s a headline at least. Oh, its starting! Here comes Elsa! Her expression is so nervous and stony, you’d think it was a funeral, not a coronation. Now she’s picking up the scepter and orb things. Wait, why’s she stopping? Oh, looks like she forgot to remove her gloves. Elsa looks really scared now, but then again, she’s about to be given the responsibility of ruling a kingdom, no wonder she’s getting pre-coronation jitters. One second, is that frost growing on the scepter? No, can’t be, I’m just seeing things. But I notice that Elsa was quick to put it down and put on her gloves. So now it’s time for the party. I should head down to the ballroom to get a chocolate before they’re all gone.

The party’s nice. People dancing, talking, eating. The smell of chocolate fills the air. Queen Elsa seems to finally be enjoying herself. Funny, it looks like she’s talking to Princess Anna for the first time in years. The duke of Wesleton is approaching, probably trying to be the first to haggle trading prices with the queen. Poor Anna has just been dragged into a dance with him. Poor girl, from what I’ve heard, the duke is an atrocious dancer. Poor Anna looks trapped. But wait! Here comes a gallant rescuer! No wait, it’s just handsome dude. I’ve done a little asking around about him, and apparently his name is Hans “Of the Southern Isle”. What kind of last name is that? Everyone knows that rule number one in dating suspicious princes is steer clear of anyone with a bad surname. Anyway, he’s the youngest of twelve, is always teased, and the only way he’ll ever be king is if his whole family is massacred. No doubt he’s trying to marry Anna in order to get into the royal family. Now they're heading off somewhere. Ugh. I need a coke.

Ok, its about an hour later. Anna and Handsome Dude (No way does he deserve to be called a fancy name like “Hans”) just came back into the ballroom. Anna looks extremely happy. They’re talking with Elsa.

Elsa

Anna

Handsome Dude

Your back. Where have you been?

With Hansie Wanzie!

Who?

Me! Pleasure to make your acquaintance. I am Hans of the Southern Isle.

Uh, right. And how do you know my sister?

I nearly killed her this morning by accidentally almost pushing her off the dock.

WHAT?!

Isn’t it romantic?

(Annoyed) What do you two want?

Your blessing.

My what?

Your blessing. For our marriage.

WHAT?!

We’re engaged! Isn’t it wonderful?

Anna, you’ve only known him for like, ten hours, you can’t be engaged to him!

How dare you speak that way to Annie Wannie!

How dare you speak that way to the queen of Arendelle!

Oh. A million apologies. Now, about you refusing to allow my marriage to your beautiful sister.

NO.

(yelling) First you shut me out, now this! What’s next, banning me from chocolate?

How dare you bring chocolate into this!

But why forbid me to marry Hans? He’s practically my other half!

HOW?!

We finish each other’s-

Sandwiches!

…That’s what I was going to say!

(Anna and Handsome Dude) SEE?

(Rolling eyes, sarcastically) Well I’m SO sorry. How about you two actually get to know each other for more then an hour, and then maybe I’ll consider thinking about pondering the idea of letting you two get married.

(Screaming) That’s it! You’ve gone too far!

(Also screaming) What’s too far? Not letting you marry a person you know nothing about with okay hair?

(Growling) Now she’s really passed the line…

I can’t live like this anymore!

Yeah!

You always shut me out!

Yeah!

You always ignore my existence!

Yeah!

You never let me follow my heart!

Yes! Because if you follow your heart, you’re going to marry a person who only loves you because your second in line for the throne!

HOW DARE YOU INSULT HANSIE WANZIE LIKE THAT!

What- HEY! GIVE ME BACK MY GLOVE!

NO! NOT TILL YOU LET ME MARRY HANS!

At that point I stopped recording the conversation, because it suddenly got very cold and since it was July I forgot to bring a sweater. Now, the reason it got very cold is the same reason they locked the palace doors in the first place. Queen Elsa apparently forgot to mention that she had magic ice powers, and if the ice that had suddenly appeared everywhere was any indication, she couldn’t control it. The young queen had disappeared into the night, freezing everything, she touched, turning the whole fjord to ice. Now Anna, thinking she can do anything, has taken a horse and gone after her sister. And now, since Handsome Dude is her royal boyfriend, he’s left in charge. Yippee. I hope they bring back Elsa soon, because even with magic uncontrollable ice powers, I’d prefer her to Anna and Handsome Dude.

This is Sima Simpson, worlds number one best reporter, signing out.