News Flash #4: A Casual Conversation With The Evil Queen

 

 

             Hey folks, its me, Sima Simpson, the world’s number one best reporter, reporting from the Disney Villain Prison, the most heavily guarded prison in the universe, where the evilest Disney Villains are imprisoned for their crimes. I’m here to interview the Evil Queen, Snow White’s evil stepmother, who will be telling us about life in a prison.

Me

Evil Queen

So, Miss Evil Queen, how are you today?

Not good.  

Oh dear, are you feeling ok?

No.

Do you have any idea why?

Could it possibly be the fact that I’m forced to wear a hideous orange jumpsuit?

That can’t really be the worst of your problems can it?

Yes, it is! The orange looks revolting with the paleness of my complexion, and the dark of my hair. Who was the ridiculous fool who chose orange anyway? Couldn’t he have chosen something a bit more fashionable, like black, or even dark blue? Or maybe even pale white, or…

Um, okay, moving on. Next question: How is the food in this place?

…possibly even rose, that would be lovely… Pardon me?

The food your majesty. How is it?

Oh, but of course, the food. Well, I actually think that my rations are quite good.

Really? Well, that’s a pleasant surprise, I suppose. Could you tell us what kind of food you get?

Well, I’ve never had any of the poor unfortunate soulffle, genie beans, spot and stripe soup, hearts (and heads) of palm, or any of the other stuff, but I do rather enjoy the poisoned apple pie. It is quite delicious.  

I fail to comprehend how that’s delicious.

Well, obviously it’s not delicious to you, because you don’t have enough villainy in you to counteract the poisoned apple.
Right... I’ll bare that in mind in case I ever get the idea to try a poisoned apple pie.

Good idea.

Thank you! So, question number six: what is your cell like?

Oh, it’s dreadful! It’s dark, it’s dreary, it’s wet, and damp… and not one single mirror!

Not one single mirror! What a scandal! Why? Do you think it could have to do with the fact that a mirror was what started your mad obsession with Snow White?

I haven’t the foggiest idea.

Well, while we’re on the subject of Snow White, why did you send your Huntsman after her?

Miss Simpson, have you ever met Snow White?

Can’t say I have.

I have more reasons for hating Snow White then just her being the fairest of them all. Have you ever heard her speak? Or sing? Her voice is INFURIATING. If I hadn’t gotten her out of there fast, I would have gone mad. Nuts. Crazy. Insane. Batty. All those things.

I suppose her voice is a bit squeaky… But that doesn’t mean you should poison her!

Whatever.

Well, that’s all I have to ask. Thank you Evil Queen, for giving us such a good insight on what goes on in the Disney Villain Prison. This is Sima Simpson, worlds number one best reporter, signing out.