News Flash #6 From Zero to Hero

 

 

Hello folks, this is Sima Simpson the world’s number one best reporter, or should I say, the worlds most legendary reporter, because today I’m reporting from Thebes, Greece, also known as the Big Olive, where literally nothing new is happening.

Not sure why I came here in the first place, but my instincts told me that I’d find a good story here and my instincts have never been wrong. Yet.

Oh, look at that! A muscular kid, (let’s call him Muscle Boy) and a satyr, (let’s call him Satyr) just flew out of the sky on a Pegasus! Oof, they just almost got run over by a carriage. But that’s what happens when you land your Pegasus in the middle of the road. Someone needs to teach this kid about road safety.

Oh, what’s that? It’s a woman! Red hair, purple dress. She looks distressed. She’s yelling something about two boys and a rockslide. A rock side! That would be a great story! Stay tuned, to find out what happens next!

Folks, this is Sima Simpson, now reporting from the site of the rockslide, where two young boys are trapped under a huge boulder. Muscle Boy, Satyr, and the Pegasus are here, and it looks like Muscle Boy is trying to pry off the boulder: With his bear hands! Is this kid crazy? Even with Muscle Boy’s muscles, nobody’s THAT strong…

Jumping Jellybeans, Muscle Boy did it! He ACTUALLY did it! The boys are free! Muscle Boy looks so proud of himself! Wait, what’s that thing behind him…

HOLY CHEESE IT’S A GINORMOUS SNAKE! KILL IT! SOMEBODY KILL IT! EVERYBODY FREAK OUT! AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

OMG MUSCLE BOY GOT SWALLOWED BY THE SNAKE!

Oh phew, Muscle Boy cut it’s head off. FROM INSIDE THE SNAKE. This kids amazing! Panic over everyone!

OH MY GOSH A HUNDRED MORE HEADS JUST GREW BACK! AAAAAAHHHHHHH!

YOU RANDOM SPECTATOR! WHAT IS YOUR OPINION ON THE SITUATION?

Random Spectator: WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE! AAAAAHHHHH!!!!

Thank you for the insight, but I’m sure that Muscle Boy has it under control…

Oh no! Muscle Boy just created an avalanche that crushed the hundred headed snake but took him down with it! The kids a goner! I doubt even Muscle Boy could survive several tons of rocks falling on his head. Satyr and the Pegasus look devastated…

Wait! The snakes fist is opening! IT’S MUSCLE BOY! HE’S ALIVE! OMG IT’S A MIRACLE!

Who is this kid with supernatural, almost godly strength? Where is he from? Who are his parents? Who is the satyr? Where is the Pegasus from? Stay tuned to find out!

And, we’re back, and this time I’m standing with the one and only Muscle Boy, and his friends, the Pegasus and Satyr!

Me   Muscle Boy   Satyr   Pegasus

Sir, I must once again thank you for saving us all from what experts have now confirmed was a Hydra. What is your name?

My name is Hercules.

Hercules? Impressive name. Now, you took down a Hydra. That couldn’t have been easy, even for someone with your strength. How did you do it?

With the help of my friend Pegasus here-

*Neigh!* 

I flew up and cut off its heads! *Demonstrates swinging sword*

But that didn’t work right? The heads kept growing back.

Um, yes. Yes, that’s correct. But… but then I got my idea to crush it in an avalanche!

You planned that?

But of course! Yes, of course I did!

Right… You planned to nearly get crushed?

Why…not?

*Rolls eyes* *Snorts*

Of course. Now, where do you get your amazing strength from? Your mom’s side? Or your dad side?

Sooo… Funny story. I’m kind of the son of, like, Zeus and Hera, and I don’t know what happened exactly, but this human couple found me and raised me as their son. So now I have to sort of earn my way back to Mount Olympus…

So you are using the fact that the citizens of Thebes were in a helpless situation as a steppingstone on your journey to become immortal?

I… No… What?

I see. So, Herc- Can I call you Herc? Herc, that is amazing! A son of Zeus! Wow! Do you ever feel like he abandoned you?

Well, I had no idea he was even my dad my whole life. I guess it would have been nice if he’d have helped me when the other kids bullied me, and everyone hated me… But when I finally found out he was my father, he directed he gave me Pegasus and directed me to my trainer.

Your trainer? What’s his name? Where is he these days? Are you his first student?

How about you ask him yourself?

Great idea? Where is he? Is he here?

That would be me. The names Philoctetes. Call me Phil.

Philoctetes? Hmm. Never heard of you. No offense, I mean, you got to be good to have trained this guy. Is Hercules your first trainee?

No. I also trained Perseus, Odysseus, Theseus, Jason of the Argonauts, and Achilles, to name a few.

ACHILLES? You trained Achilles? Like, oh, arrow in the heel, dramatic death Achilles?

 *Sigh* Yes, that’s him.

So, what was Hercules like when he first came to you?

*snort* Lets see, he was clumsy and slow-witted. I would tell him, “That’s one of the masts from the Argo.” And he was like, What? I didn’t want to take him at first, but I was persuaded when he told me was a son of Zeus.

*Neigh!*

Well, I was struck by a lightning bolt sent by Zeus, but that had absolutely nothing to do with the decision. I saw the potential in him and decided to give him a chance.

*Snorts*

Well, this has been very interesting, but it really is getting late, and it looks like there is a long line of fans who would like to thank you and get your autograph, Mister Hercules.

This is Sima Simpson, the worlds number one best reporter, (and most legendary) signing off.