Ernestine and Ern

Note: This blog post was loosely based off of something that happened to me when I was little. Any family members reading this story that might remember this from when I was little and recognize a character in the story that could be them, please do not be insulted, because this story is only loosely based off of said childhood story. Thank you. 

Mister Copper did not remember a fish. Not at all. As far as he knew, the only pet he and his wife owned was a tabby cat named Stella. They’d adopted a dog named Penny once, but after two weeks it had become clear that she was more trouble than she was worth, and Penny went back to the shelter.

So when Mister Copper’s sister-in-law Addy and his four-year-old daughter Ernestine came home from the School Fundraising Fair with a goldfish in a plastic container, he knew something was up.

“Look Daddy!” exclaimed Ernestine. “Fishy!”

“I thought you went to the Fundraising Fair!” said Mister Copper to Aunt Addy. “Not the pet shop.”

“We did!” said Aunt Addy. “They were giving out goldfish at the fair.”

“Oh.” Said Mister Copper. “Wonderful. Absolutely peachy.”

“Isn’t he cute?” asked Ernestine.

“Yes, he is quite delightful but-”

“I’m gonna go show him my room! And then we’ll play house, and dolls, and tea party, and…”

“We cannot keep a fish in a plastic container!” interrupted Mister Copper, restraining from pulling out his hair in frustration.

“Pleeeeeaaassssseeeee?” begged Ernestine. “If we don’t keep him, fishy will be sad.”

“Well, we wouldn’t want that.” muttered Mister Copper. “But what would we feed it?”

“I got food for the fishy!” said Ernestine, holding up a paper cup full of fish food.

“Yes, that’s all very nice. But how will we keep the fish from Stella?” Mister Copper, still trying to think  of a reason why not to keep the fish.

“Stella and fishy will be best friends!” said Ernestine earnestly.

“I’m sure they will be very well acquainted. But where exactly are we supposed to keep it?” asked Mister Copper, scouring for one last excuse.

“Fishy will sleep in my bed and play with me all day!” replied Ernestine excitedly, jumping up and down happily.

 “Ernestine honey, I don’t think it’s a good idea for the fish to sleep in your bed. How about you keep it on your dresser?” Said Mister Copper, finally caving in.

Ernestine squealed and ran to her bedroom to get the fish settled.

“I hope I haven’t caused you too much trouble.” Said Aunt Addy as she stood to leave.

“No, no trouble at all.” Said Mister Copper warily. “Thank you for taking Ernestine to the fair.”

“My pleasure!” said Aunt Addy. “Good luck with the fish!” and she left.

“Thanks.” Said Mister Copper with a sigh. “We’re going to need it.”

 

“Can I have some cereal for Ern?” asked Ernestine the next morning.

“Ern?” said Mrs. Copper, confused. “Who’s Ern?”

“My fish.” Said Ernestine. “He wants cereal for breakfast.”

“Ernestine dear,” said Mrs. Copper. “Why don’t you name the fish something else?”

Ernestine gave her mother a bewildered look.

“Why?”

“Well, Ern isn’t a real name sweetie.”

“But I like Ern.”

“How about something sensible, like Ernie, or Arnold?”

Ernestine thought about it for a bit.

“No.” she said. “I like Ern. It sounds like me.”

“Well, if you’re sure Ernestine darling.” Sighed Mrs. Copper.

“I’m sure!” said Ernestine. “Can I give Ern some cereal now?”

“How about you give Ern some of his special fish food?” Suggested Mrs. Copper.

“Why can’t I give him cereal?” pouted Ernestine.

“Because fish food is for fish and cereal is for people.” Said Mrs. Copper.

“Oh. Ok!” said Ernestine, who went to feed Ern.

Mister and Mrs. Copper sat in silence sipping their coffee.

Suddenly, there was a loud yowl from Ernestine’s room.

“Bad Stella!” Ernestine screamed from her room. “Play nice!” There was a lot of thumping, yelling, and hissing, before Stella ran into the dining room and hid under the sofa. Ernestine then came into the kitchen with Ern’s container half empty and refilled it in the sink.

“Mommy, can I use the mop please?” said Ernestine. “Stella made a mess.”

“Sure thing sweetie.” Said Mrs. Copper faintly. Ernestine carried Ern and the mop back to her room.

“Don’t worry Ern.” Mister and Mrs. Copper heard Ernestine say. “Next time Stella will play nice, and I’ll let you ride on her back like a cowboy. Or a catboy!” her laughs echoed through the house.

“Oh dear.” Said Mrs. Copper. “We can’t keep a goldfish in a plastic container in the same house as a cat!”

“Yes.” Agreed Mister Copper. “We need to find that fish a better home, fast!”

 

 

“Why do I need to bring Ern to Grandpa and Grandma’s house?” asked Ernestine, holding Ern’s container up o the car window so he could see.

“We’re going to give Ern to Grandpa and Grandma.” Said Mister Copper from the drivers seat.

“What?” shrieked Ernestine. “But I don‎’t want to give Ern away! He’s my friend!” She clutched the plastic container as if it were her lifeline.

“Ernestine dear, Grandpa and Grandma have a big, huge fish tank, which is better to keep a fish in.” said Mrs. Copper.

“Yeah, he’ll have more room to swim and play. He’ll be much, much happier.” Mister Copper emphasized.

“But will I be able to visit him?” asked Ernestine.

“Whenever you want.” Promised Mister Copper.

“Stella too?” Ernestine persisted.

“Umm… No.” He said. “But you can tell her all about your visits with Ern when you get home.  

Ernestine thought it over.

“Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell… All right.” She decided.

“Great, because we’re here!” said Mrs. Copper, sighing with relief.

They got out of the car and knocked on the door of Grandpa and Grandma’s house.

“Come in!” called Grandma from the kitchen.

“Grandma!” shouted Ernestine as she burst into the house. “I’ve got a fish and his name is Ern and he’s coming to live with you!”

“It’s so great to see you Ernestine dear!” said Grandma, giving Ernestine a big hug. “Have a cookie!”

“Can Ern have a cookie too?” asked Ernestine. “Mommy didn’t let him have cereal.”

“How about fish food?” suggested Grandma. “Fish food is better for fish.”

“That’s what Mommy said!” laughed Ernestine.

“Grandpa is downstairs, in the garden.” Said Grandma with a smile. “He’ll help you put Ern in his tank.”

“Ok!” said Ernestine, and she ran down the stairs with Ern.

Grandpa was in the garden, transplanting some newly rooted basil into the ground.

“Hi Grandpa!” said Ernestine, wrapping Grandpa in a big hug. “I have a fish named Ern and he’s coming to live with you, and Grandma said you would help me put him in a tank so we can give him food!” Grandpa chuckled.

“Hello Ernestine.” He said, returning the hug. “Come, the fish tanks are this way.” He led her into the house, where two fish tanks were sitting on small shelf.

Ernestine handed the container to Grandpa, who opened it and dipped it into the water to let Ern swim into the water. Ern swam to the floor of the tank and started swallowing pebbles and spitting them out.

“Ern! That’s silly!” laughed Ernestine. “We don’t eat rocks!”

“He’s looking for something to eat.” Said Grandpa. “Maybe you should give him some food.”

“Cookies?” asked Ernestine hopefully.

“No.” Grandpa laughed. “I have special fish food right here. You can sprinkle it into the tank.” He demonstrated.

“It’s raining food!” giggled Ernestine. The food floated on the surface of the water. “Now Ern can stop eating rocks.”

Ern did not stop eating rocks.
“Why is Ern eating the rocks?” asked Ernestine. “He has food now!”

“Maybe he likes the taste of the rocks.” Shrugged Grandpa. “Want to come help me plant flowers?”

“No thanks. I’d rather watch Ern.” Said Ernestine. Ernestine sat next to the fish tank with her face pressed against the glass, watching Ern eat rocks until it was time to go.

“Do I have to go?” whined Ernestine as Grandma gave her a cookie for the way home. “I want to keep watching Ern.”

“Ernestine honey, we have to go home for dinner.” Said Mrs. Copper.

“When can I visit Ern again?” asked Ernestine as she got into the car.

“Maybe next week.” Answered Mrs. Copper.

Mister Copper turned to Grandpa and Grandma before leaving.

“Thank you.” He said. “Thank you so very much.”

 

“Hi Grandma! Hi Grandpa!” shouted Ernestine as she entered Grandma and Grandpa’s house a week later. “I’m here to visit Ern!” she ran down the stairs to the basement before Grandma could even give her a piece of her freshly baked brownies.

“Ern! I’m so excited to see you!”

Ernestine ran to the corner of the basement where the fish tanks were, pressed her face against the glass…

“…Ern?”

The tank was empty. Bubbles rose from the top of the tank to the bottom. Fake seaweed floated aimlessly in the water. Ern was evidently not in his tank.

“Grandpa!” cried Ernestine, running into the garden where Grandpa was pruning the willow tree. “Ern is missing!” Grandpa stopped abruptly.

“Is he?” he asked dubiously. “I-I mean, of course he is. Which is to say, he’s not missing, he’s um…”

“Where is he?” asked Ernestine anxiously.

“He’s… um…” stuttered Grandpa nervously. “He’s… He’s…” Sweat dripped down his forehead and his legs shook as Grandpa did some quick thinking.

“He… he went to… FishyLand!” said Grandpa quickly. “Yes, that’s it. FishyLand.”

Ernestine processed this new information.

“Oh. Ok!” she said. “I’m going upstairs now.”

And that is how Ernestine spent the rest of her childhood believing that her pet fish was at an amusement park for fish and didn’t ponder the matter until she was much older.

The End