Ron's Letter to Charlie

  

Romania, Spring of 1992

 

*An owl flies threw the window of Charlie and his friends flat.*

Charlie’s friend: Oi, mate! You’ve got an owl.

Charlie: Where’s it from?

Charlie’s friend: Hogwarts. What are they writing you for?

Charlie: I dunno, do I? Lets see what it says then.

*Unties letter from owl’s leg. Charlie opens the letter and is about to start reading, when he notices the owl giving him pitiful looks.*

Charlie’s friend: Poor things probably hungry.

Charlie: Oh yeah, it’s a long way from Scotland. Toss it an owl pellet, will you?

Charlie’s friend: Yeah, sure.

*Goes into pantry*

Charlie’s friend: Tiny problem. We’re out of owl pellets. All we’ve got are those dragon treats that gave Linda gas.

Charlie: Oh, yeah. Poor Linda. First Common Welsh Green I’ve ever known to be allergic to gluten.

Charlie’s friend: Wait, why are they in the pantry? You haven’t been eating them have you?

Charlie: Merlin’s beard, no! The other dragons wouldn’t touch them after they gave Linda gas, so they’ve been sitting in the pantry.

Charlie’s friend: Yeah, well, dragon gas like that would scare even me out of eating sweets.

*Thinks for a moment*  

Charlie’s friend: Say Charlie, do you think owls can eat dragon treats?

Charlie: Don‎’t see why not, long as he’s not allergic to gluten.

*Charlie’s friend pours dragon treats on the table. The owl sniffs for a second, then gobbles them right up, then looks expectantly at the rest of the bag.* 

Charlie’s friend: Well, all right then, couple more…

Charlie: *Back to reading the letter.* Oh, that’s great!

*Realization strikes him.*

Actually, that’s less than great. In fact, this isn’t great at all.

Charlie’s friend: Why? Who’s it from?

Charlie: Ron.

Charlie’s friend: Your little brother? What’s he done?

Charlie: No, he hasn’t done anything. Well, not him specifically. It’s Hagrid.

Charlie’s friend: The gamekeeper? Why would there be a problem with him?

*Pause*

Oh I can see how there might be a problem. But what’s Ron got to do with anything?  

Charlie: Remember how Hagrid always had that mad dream of getting a pet dragon?

Charlie’s friend: That’s rich coming from you, considering what we do for a living.

Charlie: True, but we’re not trying to raise a Norwegian Ridgeback in a wooden shack.

Charlie’s friend: Of course why would we…

Wait. What? Are you serious? Merlin’s beard, how did he get a Norwegian Ridgeback egg, and how is your little brother involved? He’s not helping Hagrid traffic dragon eggs is he?

Charlie: No, this is Ron we’re talking about, not Fred and George. No, according to what Ron wrote here, Hagrid won the egg in a card game-

Charlie’s friend: Of course he did.

Charlie: And Ron and his friends got roped into helping care for it.

Charlie’s friend: Merlin’s beard.

Charlie: They’re writing to ask if we can take it and take care of it before it gets too big and Hagrid is incinerated.

Charlie’s friend: Smart kids.

Charlie: Problem is, they don’t want to draw attention, because then Hagrid could get into loads of trouble.

Charlie’s friend: You know, I love Hagrid, and I love large scaly creatures as much as the next bloke, but sometimes I wish, for Hagrid’s own good, that he liked small, fluffy animals.

Charlie: Yeah. Remember that New Year's Eve in fourth year, when we found him in his cabin with several empty bottles of brandy, trying to hatch a chicken egg under a toad?

Charlie’s friend: Because the school doesn’t have enough plumbing problems without a basilisk crawling through the pipes.

Charlie: *Snorts* A basilisk at Hogwarts. Crawling through the pipes. Imagine that.

Charlie’s friend: Anyway, how do we secretly transport a baby of the most dangerous variety of dragon from Scotland to Romania, without attracting attention and getting Hagrid arrested? Or ourselves? I do rather enjoy not being arrested.

Charlie’s friend: Here’s an idea; Caleb and Dylan are coming next week, why don’t they stop at Hogwarts with some baby-dragon-transportation gear, and they’ll pick up the Ridgeback?

Charlie: *Eyes light up.* Yeah! And they could plan for midnight, when no ones out, and no one will see them!

Charlie’s friend: But what about your brother?

Charlie: I’ll tell him to sneak out after dark and meet Caleb and Dylan at the top of Astronomy tower with the baby dragon!

Charlie’s friend: But what if they’re caught?

Charlie: Maximum, McGonagall will dock a couple house points. Worst case scenario, they’ll get lines.

Charlie’s friend: *Unsure* Errrr, are you sure about this Charlie?

Charlie: Come on, you know McGonagall. She’d never want Gryffindor to lose the House Championship.

Charlie’s friend: Yeah… Fine, let’s do it. What could possibly go wrong? Write the letter to your brother. I’ll write to Caleb and Dylan.

*The two sit in silence, writing.*

Charlie’s friend: What about this is great?

Charlie: What now?

Charlie’s friend: Well, at first you said, “Oh this is great!”

Charlie: Well, I meant it’s great that Hagrid finally got the dragon he’s been dreaming about.

Charlie’s friend: Yeah, that is pretty great!

Charlie: I hope this isn’t too hard on Hagrid.

Charlie’s friend: Yeah, imagining having to give up a pet dragon.

Charlie: Alright, I’m done, where’s the owl?

*Both remember the Hogwarts owl, and turn to see the dragon treats bag empty, and a very full owl snoring on the table.*

Charlie: On second thought, maybe owls shouldn’t eat dragon treats…