Newsflash #7: the Sidekick Special

 

Good morning folks, this is Sima Simpson, the world’s number one best literary reporter, and I’m here today to meet up with two very important people. Well, I call them people, but neither one of them are actually human. Both are iconic and beloved Disney characters, who have aided Disney princesses in the achievement of their Happily Ever After’s. I am here to oversee a conversation between the two. Ladies and Gentlemen, I am proud to present:
From the underwater kingdom of Atlantica, the accomplished singer, musician, and adviser to the king…

Sebastian Crab!

*Sebastian scuttles on stage and sits down, smiling*

And all the way from France, the talented footman and shining performer…

Lumiere Candelabra!

*Lumiere walks on stage, bowing with flourish, his candles flickering with excitement.*

Me    Lumiére    Sebastian

Lumiére (Heavy French accent): Why thank you mademoiselle, that description of me was quite précise.

Me: Glad you think so. Now, to start this off, lets talk about both of your long resumés. Sebastian, I take that not only are you a trusted advisor to King Triton himself, but you are also the personal chaperone of Ariel, his youngest daughter?

Sebastian (Heavy Jamaican accent): *Snorts* Chaperone. My whole musical career forgotten. I am only remembered as a crab who was forced to babysit a sixteen-year-old girl, who ignored every bit of advice I gave her.

Lumiere’s eyes light up, along with his arms and head.

Lumiére: Ah, a fellow man of music I see! Comme c'est magnifique!

Sebastian: Yes, yes, I am a most accomplished musician and composer. You would think that would make people listen to me, but no! I perform a whole musical number about how life under the sea is so much better than anything they got up there, but what does Ariel do? Go right back up to the surface! Then I sing an entire song about how desperately Ariel needs Eric to kiss her, and what happens? Ursula’s little eels come and ruin the moment! Does no one appreciate good music?

Lumiére: My poor fellow, I am so sorry. My performances never fail to send the message that they are intended to send. For example, when my colleagues and I performed our musical feast for Belle, she immediately understood that she was welcome in the castle, and we would cater to her every need. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like for my performances to be ignored and misunderstood.

Sebastian (Stiffening): Are you saying that my music is misunderstood and easily ignored?

Lumiére: Well, obviously, or Ariel would never have gone to the surface— Monsieur, I cannot tell if you are reddening from anger, or if that is your natural hue. *Chuckles to self.*

Sebastian is indeed quivering with anger. I clear my throat loudly.

Me: Umm… Why don’t we move on to another topic…

So, both of your lives were affected by young woman who made very large and influential choices. How do each of you feel about your lives changing so much because of another person's actions?

Lumiére: It was so wonderful when Belle chose to take her father’s place. Not only was it a brave thing to do, but in the end, she and the Master fell in love, and we were all freed from the curse! Si romantique!

Sebastian: Well for me, it was a nuisance! I had to tag along as Ariel made bad choice after bad choice. She could have chosen to listen and not go near the surface, but no! And then her father found out and destroyed all her human things.

She could have chosen not to go to Ursula and trade her voice for a pair of legs, but NO! And then it became my responsibility to fix her problem and make Prince Eric fall in love with her in three days. Three days! Relationships take time. Teenagers these days.

Ah, yes, I can relate.

Sitting on the windowsill is a blue hornbill with an orange beak, a British accent, and a look of permanent disdain on his beak.

Me: Ah, Zazu! So glad you could make it! We were just talking about how your charge’s choices can affect your life.

Zazu: Yes, I heard. Oh, the many hardships I had to endure  as Simba and Nala’s chaperone. I told them that going to the Elephant Graveyard was a bad idea. If King Mufasa hadn’t shown up… *Shudders* That child was quite a handful. A part of me doesn’t understand how he turned out as good of a king as he is.

Sebastian: You and me both. Though Ariels queen of Tirulia now, so I suppose I must have done something right.

Lumiére: I here what you two are saying. When the Master was a child… C'était un cauchemar! He treated us all like lowly slaves. Not an ounce of compassion in him. Didn’t appreciate my musical talents at all.

Me: Right, well, how about one final question…

What are the pros and cons of being a sidekick to a Disney character?

Zazu: Sidekick? Sidekick? Who do you think you are calling a sidekick? I am a trusted advisor to the king, thank you very much. And I’ll have you know, that as tiring as it is to follow a pair of children who are too brave for their own good, I get to be the right-hand bird of the king, and I would not trade that position for anything.

(Pause)

Although being used for hunting practice is quite a drag.

Sebastian: I agree with the hornbill. I am a loyal advisor to the king and a talented musician, even if that comes with baggage, and that baggage is in the form of a naïve adolescent.

Lumiére: You two complain so much. Being a sidekick is c'est bien! I get to display my musical talents, a good job, and eventually the curse was broken. I don’t understand what you two are complaining about.

Sebastian and Zazu both start glaring at Lumiére.

Me: *Coughs* Right… Well, thank you all for coming. It was such a pleasure to have this conversation with you all. This is Sima Simpson, world’s number one best literary reporter, signing out.