Why Makas Tzfardeya is a /Scam/

Hey everyone! 

Are you required to read a Dvar Tora at your pesach seder, but don't feel like writing one yourself? Than feel free to use this one! Just remember to tell everyone where you got it, and to read my blog. Have a great Pesach!  

Every Jewish child is taught at a young age about the Ten Plagues of Egypt: Blood, Frogs, Lice, Animals, More Animals, Boils, Hail, Locusts, Darkness, and Death of the Firstborns. The Plague of Frogs is a common favorite among small children, because they find the idea of being constantly annoyed by tiny, slimy, loud amphibians comical. But what if I told you that the Plague of Frogs was not actually, in fact, frogs?

Because it wasn’t. It’s all a scam to get people to spend money on frog merchandise and paraphernalia, to finance the frogs and their plot for world domination and an all-amphibian society.

You heard me. Better start stocking up those underground apocalypse bunkers. Either way, there is many details pointing to the fact that the Plague of Frogs may have actually been the Plague of Crocodiles.

Lets look at the facts. In the supposed “Plague of Frogs”, an abnormally large frog erupted out of nowhere from the Nile River and started spewing smaller frogs, until pretty much all of Egypt was covered in them. They crawled on Pharoah’s head, they crawled in Pharoah’s bed, were super loud, and made the Egyptian’s lives generally miserable.

Now lets turn our attention to the Crocodylus Niloticus, AKA, the Nile Crocodile.

So first of all, crocodiles are native to Egypt, and they are HUGE. Plus, they are creepily good at camouflage. Their colors help them blend in with the water so they can hide from their prey, whether that be fish, or possibly an Egyptian doing their laundry. So it makes a lot more sense that a slightly larger than normal Croc came out of its hiding place than a Frogzilla springing into being out of nowhere and wreaking havoc on the Egyptian civilians.  

Second of all: Fun fact about crocs-Mother crocodiles carry their babies inside their mouths. When the baby crocs hatch the Mama Croc lets them carefully crawl into her mouth, and then she transports them to the river and cares for them there, where the babies either learn to hunt and fend for themselves, or get eaten by monitor lizards, fish eagles, and honey badgers.

Now, what sounds more probable: A Frogzilla spewing baby frogs out of its mouth, or a normal angry crocodile opening its mouth and releasing hundreds of crocodile babies?

But Sima! Part of the Maka was that they made a lot of noise! How do crocodiles make noise!

Actually, baby crocodiles do make noise. When they’ve hatched and are ready to be dug out of the nest, they emit a high pitched clicky-squeaky noise, loud enough to penetrate layers and layers of dirt for the Mama Croc to hear and dig them out of the ground.

Furthermore, in ancient Hebrew, the word צפרדע does not actually translate to frog. According to the Ibn Ezra, צפרדע in the Tanach actually refers to a certain carnivorous scaly reptile, the Crocodile.

Now, some of you may accuse me of trying to diminish the miracle and put it all down to science. Some of you may think that it’s wrong of me to try to explain the Maka, and why it’s not actually as out of the ordinary as we’re taught. Some may think it’s blasphemous that I’m trying to apply one of the more extraordinary miracles of Jewish History to regular everyday life.

But I would like to add a rebuttal to that statement. Because some of the time, or even most of it, the biggest miracles are the actually the smallest ones that occur on a daily basis without us even realizing it. Sometimes, the most extraordinary miracles are the ones that occur by the most ordinary means. I mean, think about it. Somewhere out there, there is a crocodile living its life, not even knowing it’s descended from the big, huge Mama Croc that inflicted her offspring on the people of Egypt.

Have a Good Pesach, and thank you for coming to my TED Talk.