Medieval Tales #3-The Rebellion

 

 

“King Bobby Joe?” No response. The King was fast asleep, reclining lazily on his throne in his fluffy bathrobe and bunny slippers. The Butler sighed impatiently before trying again. “KING BOBBY JOE!”

“WHAT?” King Bobby Joe sprang awake, pitching himself off his throne in surprise. “IS IT LUNCHTIME?”

“No, Your Majesty.” Said The Butler. “It is only 11:30.”

“Well then why are you interrupting my very important nap?” King Bobby Joe huffed.

“I am afraid the inevitable has happened, Your Majesty.” Said The Butler calmly. “The peasantry have had enough of the high taxes, lax security, and your negligence and inability to deal with problems like such as plague, famine, and economic crisis.”

“Economic crisis?” repeated King Bobby Joe in confusion. “But what does that have to do with me?”

“Well, you did cause it Your Majesty.”

“But then I solved it! I raised the taxes! Then there was more money in the Royal Treasury, so I spent it all to throw that splendid birthday party last week—”

“The citizens have initiated a rebellion.” The Butler interrupted. “I throng of angry rioters is forming outside the palace, impeding movement in or out. You are under siege.”

King Bobby Joe blinked a couple times. “But… Where are my guards? Winston and Watson? Shouldn’t they be doing… Whatever it is that guards do? Isn’t that why I pay them?”

“You don’t pay them, actually.” Said the Butler. “Technically, they’re taxpayer funded. But you spent all the tax money on your birthday party. They haven’t been paid in months now.”

“So where are they now?!”

 

“They have joined the rebellion, Your Majesty. They commandeered the palace siege weapons and are currently hurtling rotten produce at the walls.”

As if to prove his point, a rotting tomato soared through an open window and splattered itself on King Bobby Joe’s face.

“We got him! I think we got him!” a voice from outside yelled. A crowd screamed in jubilation.

“Sorry King Bobby Joe!” called a cheerful voice.

“Winston, stop apologizing!” yelled the first voice. “He’s the enemy!”

“Sorry Watson!”

“Somebody get another tomato!” The crowd cheered again.

“Butler! Do something!” exclaimed King Bobby Joe in panic as the tomato juice dripped down his face.

“I’m afraid I cannot, Your Majesty.” Said the Butler. “As a matter of fact, I’m off to join the rebellion myself.”

“But… But… This is treason!” King Bobby Joe spluttered. “I… I could have you executed!”

The Butler shrugged. “You’ll have to do it yourself. Tim the Executioner joined the rebellion. As well The Secretary, The Treasurer, the advisors, the cooks, the maids, the footmen, the military… The entire palace staff, actually.”

“I don’t understand!” cried King Bobby Joe. “If I’m not paying you, then how are you affording such a large-scale rebellion?”

“Well, everyone in the kingdom has been happy to contribute.” replied The Butler. “But King Jimmy of the Kingdom Next Door has also been very kind to provide us with funding. He doesn’t even want to conquer the kingdom, can you imagine? He just wants you off the throne!” The Butler laughed to himself before turning to leave. “And a very nice man named Stefan has been so kind as to help us coordinate the rebellion. Good day, former-King Bobby Joe. Hopefully I shall see you again when we break through the palace walls.”