Medieval Tales Volume #2-The Very Important Meeting

 

    “I am so glad you could all make it on such short notice!” called King Bobby Joe from his perch on his throne. He plucked a grape from a lavish bowl of delectables, popping it into his mouth as he reclined in what he must have thought to be a regal looking position in his fluffy pink bathroom and bunny slippers. “I understand that this meeting of VAST IMPORTANCE was called on somewhat of a whim, and you all have places to be. But I am the king, so therefore what I want is more important than what you want, because I said so. So I beg of you all: Do shut up so that we may begin. And don’t forget to pay tribute to me before sitting down! That is an order.”

The crowded room nobles, royals of neighboring countries, and spies for royals of enemy countries who weren’t as discreet as they thought they were quieted down. Their expressions ranged from haughtiness that they had the privilege of being important or rich enough to be a member of the royal court of King Bobby Joe himself, to confusion, annoyance, and boredom, as if pondering what could possibly be so important that it must draw them away from their very busy and important lives of being rich fussy nobles, royals of neighboring countries, or spies for royals of enemy countries.

“Okay. Good.” Said King Bobby Joe once he’d received tribute from every person in the room. “Now we begin our meeting of VAST IMPORTANCE.”

“What is the trouble, Your Majesty?” called King Jimmy of The Kingdom Next Door from the far end of the table. “War? Plague? Famine? Enemy spies?” All the enemy spies in the room shifted uncomfortably.

“What are you talking about? Of course not!” said King Bobby Joe, looking aghast. “I said this is a meeting of VAST IMPORTANCE. Do any of those things sound like matters of VAST IMPORTANCE to you?”

“Um. Yes actually.” Said King Jimmy. “Every single one of those things has become a problem in your kingdom. I can count at least five enemy spies in this room, your country is on the verge of war, food supplies are running low, and something called the ‘Black Death’ is spreading among the peasants in all the kingdoms—”

“King Jimmy, how dare you!” cried King Bobby Joe. “Every single person in here is a trusted member of my court. How could you insult them like that?!” All the enemy spies breathed a sigh of relief. “As for this ‘Bad Breath’—”

“The Black Death.” Muttered King Jimmy.”

“—Who cares about the peasants? These so called “problems” you speak of will never affect those of us in the higher class! No,” He continued, with a twinkle in his eye. “I have called all of you here for an actual emergency. It is my birthday!”

“But King Bobby Joe, wasn’t your birthday four months ago?” reminded King Jimmy.

“I am THE KING!” declared King Bobby Joe. “I can have a birthday party WHENEVER I FEEL LIKE IT!”

“But King Bobby Joe, your treasury still hasn’t recovered financially from your last birthday party—”

“Let the reveries begin!”

A door burst open, and in walked two place guards dressed as court jesters and carrying food, drink, and flower garlands. The first looked genuinely cheerful and passed out refreshments with gusto, the second wore a dirty look and looked ready to murder everyone in the room, most of all King Bobby Joe.

“Watson! Look happier!” ordered King Bobby Joe before biting into an enormous chocolate cake.

“I hate my job.” Watson groaned, feebly blowing into a noisemaker.

“But King Bobby Joe!” King Jimmy protested. “You can’t afford any of this! You’re going through an economic crisis! Your kingdom is falling apart!”

“Don’t be such a party pooper Jimmy.” Said one of the nobles. “You gotta relax, learn to have a little fun now and then. Don’t be so negative.”

Over on the other end of the room, the other guard, Winston, had bumped into one of the enemy spies.

“Hey, you look familiar…” the cheerful guard said. “Have we met before?”

The enemy so began to sweat. “Ummm. Nooooo. Of course not. Haha. Nope.”

“No. I think we have…” Winston scratched his chin. “Wait! I remember now!”

The enemy spy’s eyes widened with panic. “No…!”

“STEVE!” Winston threw his arms around the enemy spy in a bone crushing hug. “Watson! Look! It’s Steve! I knew he’d come back!”

“MY NAME IS STEFAN!”

“Okay, THAT’S IT!” King Jimmy stormed out of the room. “I’m going back to The Kingdom Next Door! At least there we supply leeches when a third of the population is dying of plague!”