Pureblooded

To the Tune of "Popular" from "Wicked" 

Draco: You see, Pottah, you’ll soon find out that some wizarding families are better than others. You don’t want to go making friends with the wrong sort. I can help you there.

*Draco starts singing*

Draco: Whenever I see someone

Less pureblooded than I—

And lets face it,

Who isn‎’t?

Less pureblooded than I!

My pureblood heart

Tends to start to bleed.

And when I see someone pureblooded

Who needs someone more surefooted

I know—

I know.

Exactly what you need.

Follow my lead

And yes.

Indeed.

You

Will

Be.

Pureblooded.

With me you’ll be pureblooded.

I’ll teach you the proper poise

To bully mudblood boys,

All the ways to strut and flounce.

I’ll teach you what robes to wear,

To slick back your hair,

Everything that really counts,

To be pureblooded.

We’re gonna be pureblooded.

You’ll hang with the right cohorts,

You’ll be good at sports,

Know the slurs you’ve got to know…

So let’s start,

Cuz you’ve got an awfully long way to go…

 

Don’t be offended by my racist demeanor.

Think of it as making Hogwarts purer and cleaner.

Now I’ve decided to become a gang leader—

And your adviser

Ain’t nobody wiser,

Not when it comes to

Purebloodness.

I know about

Purebloodness.

And with an assist from me,

To be who you’ll be!

Instead of dreary who you were—

Well, are.

Ain’t nothing gonna stop you from

Becoming purebloodier!

…

Ar?

 

When I see depressing creatures

With preunposessing features

I just like to stand and cruelly laugh

Because

My

Fathers, like, a head of state,

And simply great communicator.

Does he have brains or knowledge?

Don’t make me LAUGH!

PUHLEASE!
He’s pureblooded!

It’s all about purebloodedness.

It’s not about brawn or brains,

It’s what’s in your veins,

It’s very, very plain to see:

The only thing that matters is

Your purebloodity!

Harry: Is that… a word?

 

Draco: Laaaaa laaaaaa! Laaaaa Laaaaa!

You will be pureblooded!

But not

Quite as purebloodeeeeeed

Aaaaaaaaaaassssssssssss

MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

*Draco holds out hand to Harry*

Draco: So, what do you say? You wanna be racist pals together and bully other children?

Harry: I… think I’ll go hang with the redheaded kid. Bye.      

Draco:

Draco: MY FATHER WILL HERE ABOUT THIS!